This programme has been lovingly designed to support parents who are feeling overwhelmed and are ready and motivated to bring about deep, long term change within themselves, their relationship with their children and in their family lives. It is intended to support people who are eager to devote significant time, energy and effort to bringing this about.

This programme is likely to be a good fit for you if:

• You are longing for a loving and easy connection with your children, but you are not sure about the best way to bring this into reality.

• ​​You are experiencing chaos and lack of order in your family life, you are ready to change, but you are unsure what is the first step. 

• You are curious and eager to learn about your child, yourself, and the science and art of connection.

• You have been actively seeking out support for some time now (through books, youtube, courses, therapy etc) but are confused about how to piece it all together to bring about meaningful change.

• You feel uncertain or confused about different parenting approaches you see around you, with people in your life giving you contradictory advice. You want to find a way that works well for you and your children.

• You are attracted to the principles of gentle-parenting approaches (e.g. peaceful parenting, simple parenting, conscious parenting, mindful parenting, attachment parenting or NVC parenting) but you want some support to apply and integrate the principles effectively into your daily life with your children.

• You want to be confident in your parenting, even in moments of conflict or when there is challenging behaviour.

• You find yourself using parenting strategies that don’t align with your values or your vision of what you want your life with your children to be like (e.g. shouting, hitting, guilt and shame tactics, rewards and punishments, overusing screens, bribes etc) but you are struggling to find other ways that work.

• In quiet moments, your mind may wander to anxiety about your children and what might become of them (e.g. If they are like this now, will they become delinquents?? Will they ever be able to cope in the real world?) or may become lost in guilt or shame (Why did I shout again? What is wrong with me?!)

If you recognise yourself in any of these statements, this course is likely to be a good fit for your goals and aspirations.

To get the most out of the From Chaos to Connection programme, and to bring about deep, long-term changes in yourself, your family and your relationship with your children, we recommend that you set aside at least 1 hour per week for the following:

• Reading through the monthly emails we will send you.

• Watching the video lessons.

• Reading learning material for the sessions and working through the practice exercises. 

• Daily journaling and self-reflection exercises (e.g. first thing in the morning or before bed) (~15 mins daily). 
• Share celebrations, challenges, questions in the Community Chat Group (5 mins per week).

OPTIONAL:

• Attending the live practice sessions (2 hours per month).

• Attending the monthly grief circle (2 hours per month). 

• Checking in with an empathy buddy (1 hour per month).
• Attending one-on-one check in sessions with Sally (30 mins, at the beginning, middle and end of your time).

Once you sign up, you will receive a welcome email including all the information you need, some reflection questions to help you (and us) assess where you are at, and a self-connection pack with resources to help you to start a self connection routine straight away.

Month 1: Exploring your vision. In the first month, we will welcome you, settle in, and explore what you need in order to get the most out of the programme, explore your vision for your family and your specific goals and intentions for our time together. We will introduce Compassionate Communication (or Nonviolent Communication) as the primary model we will use throughout the course as a way to support and strengthen the caring, peaceful relationship we wish to create with our children.

Month 2: Connection. We will start off by exploring the importance of the relationship that we have with our children as a container for their growth and development, and the impact on them (and on us, via their ‘behaviour’) when there are challenges with the connection. We will examine what makes a child difficult (or easy) to parent, what is happening in their brain/nervous system during interpersonal challenges, and what is within our power to change. We will also look at systemic factors that impact the relationship context, including our own conditioning, trauma and socialisation and the impact of external factors. 

Month 3: Two ways of being in the world. This month, we look at how our beliefs and judgments about the world create a lens through which we see, understand and interpret our child. We explore two very different ways of being in and experiencing the world (represented in Compassionate Communication by the Jackal and the Giraffe) which correspond to two fundamentally different ways that our brains and nervous systems operate. We will examine the impact on our relationship with our child from these two different modes of being. We will explore how an understanding of our deep human needs can support a different way of being with our child and look at ways we can support flexibility and choice about shifting into a giraffe/needs-based consciousness in relationship with our child.

Month 4: Feelings, self regulation and co-regulation. This month, we look at the ways that we are separated from awareness of our own inner life: the vital emotional and bodily feelings that are the way our bodies communicate with us. We examine the importance of these body signals in bringing information into consciousness about what is important to us and how we might use this information to express ourselves, to self-regulate when we are triggered and to support our children to regulate themselves when they are activated (“co-regulation”).

Month 5: Observations and appreciation. This month we will explore the importance of separating our observations of our child from our evaluations/interpretations. We will look at the role of evaluations in conflict and how clear observations can support a more peaceful, harmonious and productive way of being with each other. We also look at the power of expressing appreciation and gratitude for our children, and how this can offer a more nurturing and life giving approach compared to praise and rewards.

Month 6: Empathy for self and others. In this session, we look at what happens within us when our children are doing and saying things that we find upsetting. How do we understand and interpret their actions? How does our interpretation impact our responses to them? How does our response further feed into their behaviour, and impact the relationship between us? We will explore ways to shift from rage, frustration and anger to curiosity and openness. We will also look at the importance of empathy to children’s development and learn some skills for offering empathy and understanding to our children even in the most challenging moments.

Month 7: The power of clear requests and authentic self expression. Many of us find it very difficult to make genuine requests of our children, leaning instead into passivity and permissiveness, on the one hand, or demand, force and authoritarian commands on the other. In this session, we look at the power of requests as a way to offer our children an opportunity to enter into a relationship of cooperation, mutual care and generous giving from the heart with us. We uncover some of the blocks we have to make requests with our children, how we can get stuck in “demand energy” and the impact of this on our power to create a caring relationship context and having our needs met. We will practise making clear, doable requests that capture our deepest needs and longings and offer us a way to make concrete steps to bring more joy and fulfilment into our relationships.

Month 8: Continuing your Journey. In our final month, we will focus on integrating everything you’ve learned, reflecting on your progress, and celebrating your achievements. You'll walk away with a toolkit of strategies, a new vision for your family, and a roadmap to guide you forward on this journey. 

We are very aware that life as a parent can be very full. That’s why this programme is designed to be so flexible so that it can work with your schedule.

Participation in the programme takes about 1-2 hours a week, but you can tailor your experience based on your availability.

You are free to adjust each month depending on your energy and focus, making this a flexible, relaxing, and ultimately rewarding experience. You can move at your pace, have more time if you need, and we are here to support you. 

It is our experience that everything you learn here will save you so much time and energy moving forward! It is an initial investment of time to bring huge rewards of freed up time and life energy down the track. 

Having said this...before you sign up, we'd like to just pause with you for a moment and check in.

Are you sure?

A crucial part of this programme is learning to care for your needs, and this means learning to slow down sometimes; to pause and take a breath, to tune into ourselves and our bodies, to check our calendars, ask our friends and partners, notice what we are saying "yes" to (and what we may therefore be saying "no" to).

Sometimes when we rush, we can end up committing to something that doesn't serve us well; maybe something that we think we "should" do, or that we only have a "half yes" for.

We believe that staying within capacity is a radical, life-changing and world-changing move. When we move fast, we are more likely to move beyond our capacity and miss important needs.

In this programme, we will learn to move slowly together, to move at a pace that feels right and to check whether our needs are being met. So right from the start, at this critical point of launching off together, we want to honour your needs and your capacity.

So we invite you to pause and check.

We would love it if every parent had an opportunity to learn about connection and gain some skills to care more deeply for themselves and their children. We imagine the world would be a more peaceful and kinder place!

However, re-establishing connection with your child and yourself takes time, energy and commitment. It is our sincere wish that only those who have the capacity to engage in this programme sign up; we would love to support you to focus your precious life energy only on endeavours that will support and nurture you and your family.

This programme requires a willingness to self reflect, be open to new ideas and be willing to try new behaviours and patterns. It is not likely to be a good fit for you if:​

• You love the idea of this, but are just too busy to commit to around 1-2 hours each week. We believe that staying within our capacity is a radical and world-changing choice, and it is very important to us that any work we do together is entirely within your capacity. We want to support people to learn to trust their instincts about this. If this phase of life feels too full for you, and you sense this is not a realistic commitment, this programme is unlikely to work well for you and may add more pressure. Your reluctance to take on any more makes a lot of sense, and we really honour and appreciate your choice! 

• You have big changes or commitments in the next few months (e.g. moving house, changing jobs etc). If you think these changes will make it hard to find space and time to commit to this programme, perhaps this is not the right time for you. We hope you honour and take seriously any concerns you have about this, and choose to stay within your capacity. 

• You are experiencing significant life trauma or personal pain right now.In this case, you are likely to need more one-to-one support than the community format can offer, and our guided mentoring option might be a more supportive way for you to go through this programme. Please contact us if you would like to discuss our one-on-one support options.

• You desperately want fast results. Sometimes we can feel really desperate for instant changes as parents: maybe the school has told you that unless your child starts behaving differently they will take punitive action, maybe you are estranged from your child and you are desperate to have them back right now, or maybe your partner has given you a frightening ultimatum about your child’s behaviour or your approach to parenting.

  We really get the sense of urgency and the pain and frustration you are experiencing right now. And we also want to be transparent that it is our expectation that recreating this precious connection with ourselves and our children will not happen overnight. Deep and lasting change takes time, perseverance and practice; and ultimately a lifelong commitment beyond our time together to prioritise peace, presence and connection. There are many ways to force compliance with your child in the short term, but in our experience these short term methods are very costly to our relationships in the long run. 

The invitation in this programme is to slow down in order that we can eventually speed up…together. If you do not have the time, space or willingness in your life at this point to slowly, patiently rebuild this connection, our guess is that this course will be challenging and frustrating for you.

If, after reading this, you are still unsure whether this programme is right for you in this particular season of your life, you are very welcome to contact us for a chat. We are very open to helping you to discern whether it is likely to be the best step for you right now. If so, we are so excited for you to join us!

A crucial part of this programme is learning to care for our needs, and this means learning to slow down sometimes; to pause and take a breath, to tune into ourselves and our bodies, to check our calendars, ask our friends and partners, notice what we are saying "yes" to and what we may therefore be saying "no" to.

We believe that staying within capacity is a radical, life-changing and world-changing move. 

In this fast-paced world, we are conditioned to think of everything in terms of "have to", "must" and "should", adding to the sense of pressure that we may feel.

Here are some thoughts to breathe into as you consider your own capacity before joining this course: 

•  Your pace is your own, and you are welcome to explore at your leisure. Perhaps you could experiment with embracing, allowing and welcoming your own pace?  
• This programme is like a laden fruit tree. The invitation is to take what you want, whatever you have space for, and to leave what is too much for you, trusting that you will get exactly what you need for this season of your life. There is no need to overstuff your bag or weigh yourself down. You can always come back for more if and when you are ready.
• You are in charge of your pacing, and you can also choose at the end to have more time if you would like.
• We are here to support you - if you are committed to being here, we will support you whatever pace  you are moving at. We do this through our live sessions, email contact with you and individual check ins. You don't have to do this alone! 

If you are worried that you are not going to be able to find 1-2 hours per week to put into this, you might want to read "Am I too busy for this" above for more guidance. 

We understand that participants may not always be able to attend live sessions due to time zone differences or scheduling conflicts.

If the current live session times don’t suit you, but you want to join anyway...

You are very welcome to sign up to the programme right now and begin the online video lessons and other resources, even if you’re not able to attend the current live sessions. Live session attendance is not a compulsory part of the programme, and it is possible to do the programme without these sessions provided you are able to participate in the other elements of the programme.  

When you sign up, you can let us know that you are not able to attend live sessions and let us know your preferred times. Once at least 10 parents share overlapping availability, we will open a new live session times. 

If a new session opens up while you are in the programme, we will let you know so you can secure your place. You’ll be eligible to attend eight (8) consecutive monthly live sessions for no extra charge. You will continue to have full access to the Course Modules and the Community throughout. 

Please note: while we do our best to open new groups when interest and availability align, we cannot guarantee when or if a new group will be formed. In the meantime, you’ll still benefit from the rest of the programme.

If you are drawn to this programme primarily because of the live sessions...

If you are mostly drawn to this programme because of the live community sessions, but the current times won't work for you, you are welcome to join our waitlist for alternative session times.

Here’s how it works:

• Join our waitlist, and share your available times.

• Once we have at least 10 participants on the waitlist who share a time slot that also works for us, we will open a new group at that time.

• You’ll be notified directly when a new group becomes available so you can secure your place and enrol in the programme.

We welcome a limited number of people into the programme at any given time, because we want make sure we are able to care for and nurture each person to make the changes they want to make in their lives.

We have a (very simple!) application process we ask you to complete before entering the programme, involving a form to complete to let us know a bit about your situation and why you are drawn to the course. This process allows us to decide (together) whether this programme will be a good fit for you and will best meet your needs at this moment in time. 

We want to make sure:

• We are going to be able to give you the level of support you need (for some people, individual coaching, mediation or even support from other trainers we know might be a better fit).
• You are going to be able to give the time and energy to this programme (see "What is the time commitment" and "Am I too busy for this?")
• You are motivated and want to do the course. We can offer support, resources, community, care and expertise, but ultimately the changes in your family life will come from you. It is important to us that we prioritise our care and energy to people who are really wanting to make change.

This application process is a chance for you and us to check whether this is likely to be a good fit. No one is turned away, but we might check in with you if we think that the programme might not be a good fit for you right now or if we think that there are other options that might better suit your needs. 

The From Chaos to Connection programme is offered on a gift economy (pay what you are able/willing) basis. This means we invite you to choose a monthly amount to contribute that feels comfortable for you - without stretching into hardship - while also helping us continue the work we love so much.

It is important to us that this programme is accessible to everyone, regardless of their financial situation. There is no hidden “premium” version; everyone receives the full experience, regardless of what they contribute.

You are warmly welcome here, no matter your financial situation. We trust you to give what you are able, whatever that looks like for you is enough.

If your financial means are limited, you can choose an amount that will actually work for you, or even zero. If selecting zero feels uncomfortable, please know:

a) We hold no judgment - it is such a gift for us to know we are contributing to transformation in families. There are times when all of us need more support, and times when we are able to offer more. 

b) Financial contributions are just one way of supporting this work. If you’d like to contribute in other ways, we’d be deeply grateful. You can help by sharing the programme with friends or parent communities, offering us a testimonial and giving feedback so we can keep improving what we offer. Every form of support helps us reach more parents and nurture more connection in families.

At Peace Talks, we want to take action towards creating a world where we can truly care for each other, operate from deep connection to community and give and receive from a true generosity of heart.

As a concrete step towards living the change we want to see in the world, we have been using a “Gift Economy” approach through our work at Peace Talks. 

Simply put, a gift economy approach is an attempt to recreate a world where we care for each other, where we acknowledge that our well-being is inextricably tied up in each others’, and that we have some agency in creating a world that is focused on need not greed.  

The gift economy harks back to our traditional, ancient roots when we lived in interconnected communities and each of us cared for all of us. (If you want to learn more, see our Gift Economy page here.) 

Our wish in using this approach is to:

• Create systems where resources can flow to needs. We want our offerings to be accessible to a wide range of people, regardless of their ability to pay. In other words, we want the support, care and guidance that we offer to flow in the most direct way to the people who need that support, care and guidance. We want this course and all of our teachings to be accessible no matter their financial circumstances.

• Integrity and alignment with our values. The values of connection, care and compassion that are at the heart of NVC are the guiding principles of our lives, not “add ons”. The gift economy allows us to offer our services in a way that integrates our values and moves us towards a world where resources flow to people's needs.  The Gift Economy approach offers a way for us to explore a radical economic paradigm of integrating and embodying the connection and needs-based lens that we share in our teaching into every aspect of life (including economic decisions). 

• Modelling a new way of being, based on NVC teaching. We want the people we work with to have a powerful experience of what NVC can look like in the “real world”, not just at the level of inner consciousness or in their relationships with loved ones, but at the level of the systems that govern our lives and how we operate with each other in the world. We are passionate about sharing an alternative vision for the world, and therefore choose to offer many of our services using a gift-based economy.  

Offering a gift economy approach is our way of moving towards these goals. It creates a tiny microcosm of possibility; a world where we care for each other, where the implications of our economic choices are a little more visible to us, and where we are able to use our daily financial decisions as a way to meet needs and support each other.

All of our programmes and services are freely given, even if you are not able to contribute financially; but they are not "free". 

We put a lot a large amount of time, energy and passion into creating our courses and caring for participants. This is a way for us to contribute to creating a more peaceful world and we want them to be available to anyone who needs them, regardless of their ability to pay. 

Sharing NVC is our passion, and it is also the source of our livelihood. Your financial contribution is essential to allowing us to meet our families’ basic needs so that we can live, care for our families, and continue to do this work we love.

It is our hope (and our experience) that people entering into our courses will engage with trust and mutual care into the spirit of the Gift Economy, considering what they are able and willing to contribute.

We do not receive any external funding for our work, and we welcome everyone, even if they are unable to contribute financially.

There is no set amount that we expect back in exchange for our offerings. Our request is that you will consider what you are able and willing to give. When making the decision of what to contribute, the basic guideline (offered by Mike Kashtan) is this: 

What is the most that you can give 

without overstretching or moving into resentment?

To give you a sense of what sustains us in offering this programme: Contributions of between $75–$160 NZD/month (~45-95 USD/month, or ~€38-€80/month) generally allow us to cover our running costs and support our livelihood. (The exact sustainability depends on how many people enrol.)

We also welcome other contributions, above or below this amount, that better match your willingness and ability to contribute. We trust you to find an amount that feels right for you and your family. 

Some factors you might want to take into account in making your decision:

• What are your family or groups’ current financial needs, and what are you able to contribute without anxiety or resentment?
• How do you imagine the gift of this course will contribute to you, your relationship with your child, the quality of your family life and your life in general?
• What value do you imagine you will receive from your time in this course? How does this compare to other things you would spend your money on in your daily life? 

Recommended ranges

To help you to make your choice, we have offered some recommended monthly contributions (see how much does the programme cost, above), based on:

• the amount of time, energy and resources we have put into developing, teaching and administering the course (see more below).
• the ongoing costs of the resources and infrastructure needed to produce and maintain a course like this.
• what we need in order to support our families to be able to continue doing this work we love. 

We offer these as a guideline only, but you are very welcome to offer more or less. Our courses are offered to you as a gift, and ANYTHING you choose to contribute will be received as a gift. We trust your choice, and are grateful for your contribution.

This is not a tiered offering - everyone receives the same course whatever you are able to contribute. 

You might also want to consider what we have put into the course - Our gift to you.

 We put a lot of heart into creating our courses, including a large amount of time, energy and passion. They are a way for us to contribute to creating a more peaceful world and we want them to be available to anyone who needs them, regardless of their ability to pay. 

In this day of online separation, social media and AI, it is sometimes hard to know what you are getting when you register for a course. We would therefore like to explain some of the less visible, “behind the scenes” elements that go into our offerings:

• Expertise and experience. We both have extensive training and expertise that underpin everything we teach, including years of training and experience in nonviolent communication, psychology, mediation, neuroscience, research, community building and writing. This is our passion and our life’s work. 
• Research and development. We put hundreds of hours each year into researching, planning, creating, writing, filming, editing, and developing materials for each of our courses. We live and breathe the question of how to create more peace and connection in families and communities, and everything we learn, we put straight back into our offerings. 
• Practice and Integrity. We conscientiously practice what we preach, daily working to bring nonviolent communication into every aspect of our lives. As a participant in our courses, you can be confident that anything you hear from us is something that we actively use in our own lives with our children, our relationships and in our communities. We actively practice nonviolent communication in our communities, friendships, families, business practices and in our work with each other. 
• Support and Care. We put a lot of care and individual attention into supporting people through our courses. All of the participants in our courses are human beings, not customers. We take great care to respond to emails and messages, and to actively engage with the people we work with. If you have a question, we invite you to email us or make a time to speak to us. 
• A fierce commitment to what actually works. Our aim in all of our work is to use our skills, expertise and training to create something that will genuinely contribute to your life. It is easy enough to summarise the research and theory on these topics; the challenge (and what we are so passionate about!) is how to translate this into something that is usable by real people to make real change. Our courses are not just theory; they are carefully designed using pedagogical principles and cognitive behavioural techniques to support you to make lasting changes in your life. We are constantly refining our courses in line with the feedback we receive to make them as useful and engaging as possible.
• Authenticity. Every word you read or hear from us was written by us. We write all of our own courses, newsletters, emails, blogs, materials, resources and even advertising. We have a deep commitment to authenticity, because we believe in the life-changing power of real, imperfect, heartfelt human communication. This commitment can sometimes take a lot more time than “more efficient” modern methods (like using AI to write articles and courses….yes, this is now a common practice!) but we trust that you will feel that difference when you engage with our work. You can always be sure that if you have read or heard something from us, it is actually from us, not a machine.