The Essential Ingredient of a Magical Childhood

The other day, I was talking with my neighbour about our parenting journeys. She said something that struck me: “Childhood ought to be magical.”

That resonated instantly. This sentence gave words to an inner truth I’ve tried to live by in my parenting without even knowing it: I wanted to create a magical childhood for my children. And not just for them, I want all children to receive a magical childhood, and I want a world shaped by that magic.

Yet, when I look at the state of the world, despair often visits me. Hopelessness creeps in when I see daily headlines of suffering, violence, ecological unraveling, and division. At a recent grief session led by Francis Weller and Anderson Cooper, I was moved to tears when a parent shared their grief that bringing children into this world no longer feels like an obvious choice. 

Pam Leo, parent educator and author, once wrote: “How we treat the child, the child will treat the world.” This both breaks my heart and gives me hope. If we can learn to treat our children differently, step by step, and offer magical childhoods, perhaps we can contribute to not just families but the world itself.

What a Magical Childhood Looked Like for Me

Looking back, I recognise my unconscious efforts to gift my children a magical childhood, led by a subtle knowing that nature and wonder were essential. Before I had children, I imagined raising them close to the mountains, rivers, and seas of New Zealand. Years later, I can proudly say that we did just that: our family tramped the 3,000 km Te Araroa Trail, adventured ten wild days through Stewart Island, and reached the remote Ivory Lake Hut.

I also see how I tried to weave magic into our lives by organising special treasure hunts at birthday parties, a nature table to mark the seasons, singing lullabies at bedtime, sipping hot chocolate after snowy play, planting bulbs in autumn, making beeswax candles in winter, building sandsculptures, and welcoming many animals into our home - from rabbits and lambs to a paradise duckling and even a baby deer.

The Missing Ingredient

And yet, despite these attempts of offering a magical childhood, something often blocked that sense of wonder and enchantment in our family life. Recently, my sixteen-year-old daughter came back from visiting my parents in Europe. Smiling, she teased me: “You’re actually a lot like your parents, you know.” When I asked what she meant, she said, “You’re always stressed - just like Opa and Oma.”

Even though she was bantering, her words confirmed the ‘something’ that was often missing. Patterns of hurry, pressure, and “never enough” have followed me from my own upbringing into my parenting. Despite my best intentions, some of the old threads continued. I remember the moments of stress throughout many of my attempts to create something magical. While kneading the dough for the apple pie together, my mind raced ahead: I still need to vacuum and ohhh, I forgot to buy candles. Even reading storybooks, my mind often wandered: Did I reply to that email? What’s for dinner tonight? There was the underlying current of rush and true presence was often lacking.

While I recognise the beauty in the childhood I have tried to create, I still feel an ache for the moments when my own limitations have left their mark. And the tragedy, that like so many of us parents, I didn’t have the guidance or support I needed as a young parent to truly understand the sticking patterns - both cultural and intergenerational - that shape how we raise our children.

I am deeply grateful for the many wonderful teachers I have, and for the opportunities to explore my inner world alongside others, to grow my awareness and capacity to be fully present. I see now that this inner work is the very foundation for creating a magical childhood.

Because ultimately, I believe the most essential ingredient of a magical childhood isn’t activities or adventures, it’s the quality of our presence.That is the thread that weaves wonder into ordinary days. It is the ingredient that transforms everyday moments into something extraordinary, that allows a child to feel seen, safe, and alive to the beauty of the world.

Growing Our Quality of Presence

Becoming present as a parent, or in life, is a skill we can learn. Research suggests it takes, on average, about 66 days for a new practice to take root. So, if you choose one small practice of presence, commit to it for the next couple of months (add it to your calendar). After this time period, it begins to weave itself naturally into the rhythm of your days. 

• Create daily rituals of presence: Throughout the day, you’ll encounter many small, ordinary moments with your child: driving them to school, tying their shoelaces, preparing a lunchbox. Choose just one of these everyday activities and make it a ritual of presence. Set yourself the intention: “In this moment, I will be here fully.”
• Notice: what is it like to tie shoelaces with presence? To feel the texture of the laces in your hands, notice your child’s foot resting near you, and sense the closeness of your bodies? What is it like to hand over a lunchbox with awareness, perhaps silently offering care and love with it?

   

  Some other ideas

  • Notice your patterns: Pause and ask yourself, Why am I rushing right now? Does it really matter? Reflect on habits inherited from your parents, culture, or past experiences. 
  • Anchor in your senses: Ground yourself in what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. Notice colors, voices, textures, aromas, or the taste of food. For example, while your child plays, notice the laughter, the feel of the floor, or the scent of the outdoors.
  • Place your attention on your awareness: Instead of reaching for your phone when you are waiting in line, notice where your attention goes. Say quietly to yourself what you notice: “Right now I am aware of the bus driving by. Now I am aware of the person in front of me tapping his foot, now I am aware of the thought about tomorrow” etc. Notice when you notice your attention drifting away. 
  • Slow Down and Pause: After a challenging day, look at your child while they are sleeping and notice all the feelings that are alive in you.
  • Curiosity and Wonder: Notice the small details around you: birds, clouds, smells, textures. When you’re with your child, bring these into shared awareness by naming them out loud. For example: “Do you see the different shades of blue and grey in the ripples of the water?”.
  • Find Delight in Your Child’s Joy: We often focus on the struggles and daily challenges in life. Allow your child’s joy to inspire your own. Feel it fully.

  Does it take elaborate activities and adventures to make childhood magical? Or could it be that each moment we pause to truly see, listen, and feel with our children shapes a world more beautiful than the one we were given?

  Wishing you moments of true presence with your loved ones, sprinkled with a dusting of magic.